I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
