the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
