Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
