remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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