i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
