So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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