Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
