So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
