actually, I'm a sock model
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
