ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
