I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
