Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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