I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
