as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize