I feel great
I just peed on a car
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
