if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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