Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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