im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
