There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
