Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize