I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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