tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
