i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
