it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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