her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
