In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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