Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
