Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
