Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
