My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
