her vagina looked like bernie madoff
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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