I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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