At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
