North Korea, Best Korea!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
