I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
