Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
