Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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