sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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