forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
