The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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