I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
