So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
