roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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