i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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