Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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