Already got asked if we're dating
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
