Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
