I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
