That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
