miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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