Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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