Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
