Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
