do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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