All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
