I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
