wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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