guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
