the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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