U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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