Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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