Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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