Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
