I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
